Crap-holes of Asia.

After backpacking around Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos for 5 weeks - I feel I have become an unequivocal expert on Asian lavatory-systems. I would like to impart some of my accumulated knowledge with you to better prepare you if you ever decide to have an extended period of bumming around Asia. (see what i did there?) I have identified five varieties of Asian Ablutions. Pay attention:

That was a joke.

I was making sure you are paying attention.

This stuff is serious.

look at your shaky legs. and you haven't even assumed the position yet. lol.

(I recommend pre-Asian-holiday quad-squat marathons in your nearest gymnasium. You'll be grateful.)

DO NOT SIT DOWN.

YOU DIDN'T DO YOUR EXERCISES!!

really.

No pre-purchased toilet paper in your hand-bag? 

THE VERY FIRST VITAL RULE of backpacking Asia.

yeah, bet you wish you had done those quad-squats now.

too late buddy.

don't drink the water.

i'm not kidding.

You may want to practise a few emergency landings too.

A clothes peg will help. But not much. 

Practise natural mouth-breathing techniques.

Rogue twigs. 

GAAH.

Not even 8 year olds can get away with this.

Girl-aiming is tricksy, but you really need to try.

you don't want other people watching.

There is a fine line between avoiding 'the others' and becoming 'that person'.

just kidding,

water is good for you.

Day Eleven

Cu Chi Min Tunnels
Something Awesome: Being one of the few people to squeeze into the Cu Chi Min lookout tunnel and joining the group in the underground tunnels for 40metres (40 metres is enough!) Seeing all the "booby traps" the Viet-Congs made was also pretty awesome. (see below)

Something crap: Small Spaces. Claustrophobia. extreme heat.

Something we ate: Sampled Tapioca - which is what the Viet-Cong army ate as their only meal once a day in the war post the American bombing of Cu Chi.

Something Random: The Cu Chi Min tunnels are incredible. About 250 km long and three different levels all with different functions. The Viet-cong thought of everything when they constructed the complex undergroumd system - right from creating doors which could be closed in the event of Americans pumping gas or water into the tunnels, to making vent holes in the ground to release cooking smoke away from the actual tunnels so as not to give away their location.

Something we did: Got scammed in the right direction. As we got onto the tour bus to the Cu Chi tunnels our tour guide kept trying to convince us that the traffic on the way back would be "so terrible" and that it was better to pay an extra $12.50 to get a boat ride back. We thought about it long and hard and declined. He then came back with a "good-deal-rate" haha, we declined. We offered him our "good-deal", he declined. He then came with a special reduced "honeymoon-rate" (lol) we declined. Finally when it was time to get back on the bus- we realised that they had changed the buses and ordered a bus half the size for the trip back - so they were forced to put us on the high-speed river boat for free along with the rest of the suckers who had opted off the bat to pay full price. winning.


We also went to the Golden Dragon water puppet theatre show in the evening after the tunnels. It was really well done with traditional live Vietnamese music and narration and is an internationally acclaimed show.. We spent the entire show trying to figure out how they were controlling the puppets underwater. We are still unsure.

Something said: "ok. ok. i give you this boat ride for free now! but. if anyone asks, you say you pay the full price! ok?!"

Kitsch is Kool

 

click here for the kitschy world of Wu and Wu.

oh Asia, I love you.

that's all.