Lessons in Karma.

I have learnt a great lesson in Karma.

Last Thursday, I posted a cartoon blog post titled "26 things I'd like to say to dentists". Which (obviously) included some "not-very-nice" things about dentists, because well. I don't like dentists. My mother described the blog post as "WICKED" (and not in the "cool" sense). I described the blog post as "HONEST" (in the "honest" sense). The very next day following my wicked honest blogpost, a new tooth of mine cracked open.

MORAL: The collective karmic power of dentists is very strong. Be careful what you say.

So, not only after my original dentist encounter - which meant I had to revisit the dentist to have TWO IMPLANTS fitted into my jaw, but I now ALSO had to have a cracked tooth/inlay repaired. This all happened yesterday - about 2 hours before I was due to fly to London.

Coming out of the dentist - when your entire mouth has literally been attacked feels like your lip is hanging all the way to the floor and even your eyeballs are a bit numb.





My dad picked me up from the dentist (basically en route to the airport):



So I left for the airport in a lot of dental pain - I won't bore you with the gory details but they had to cut my GUM open. You guys. NO. So I dosed up on painkillers and set off on my way to London. I had a stop over in Dubai which was horrendous. Again, I won't go into details - but just to let you know I was feeling so nauseas and still half asleep from a sleeping tablet that I had to buy a Coca Cola to drink in the airport (which cost me 4 dollars) and after two sips I had to "emergency remove" the cup lid in order to upchuck right back into the cup. Actually that is all the details. I'm not sure why I'm telling you that, because it is certainly "not very becoming of a lady". It must be the meds talking.

Anywhooo - arrived home to some lovely flowers and note from the husband - 

and possibly the greatest gift of all - 

That husband, he is a keeper.

(and I hope our children get his teeth)

Things are full steam ahead for The Photo Hunt on Saturday - I'm so excited for our first event! Will be lots more to follow!

[New Cartoon] 26 things I'd like to say to dentists.

I have recently been subjected to the torturous venom of dentistry. (Two veneer caps implanted into the back of my mouth, if you must know). Make no mistake that i HATE the dentist. It's not a mild disliking or a "meh, not really my cuppa tea", I actually actively HATE them. It stems from a childhood trauma involving 6 year old twins, a piggy back race and a slab of concrete. It did not end well for me, my face, or the concrete and then I nearly suffocated to death when my aunt attempted to be the "dental assistant" because there was no one else to deal with me in the after hours trauma unit. So to sum up: a deep seated psychological loathing, if you will. 

In fact, I'd actually start a riotous protest outside the dental buildings voicing my hate if I could. 

But I have to go back there next week - so I'm keeping a low profile.

Now that I'm SO OLD AND MATURE I thought I would be able to move passed my dental hate, but my appointment this week has reaffirmed everything I HATE about dentists. And I have compiled the following list:

26 things I would like to say to dentists

 

1. Are you actually serious?
2. You go ahead and show me how to open my mouth ANY WIDER than it currently is.
3. Stop trying to get your whole arm in my FACE, woman!
4. I will bite you.
5. Exactly where do you get your "dental tools" from, lady?



6. So what did they call you in PRISON?
7. I know your type. You thrive on that cavity smell.
8. Did you actually choose this job? Like Actually? But how?


9. "oh, this won't hurt a... " YOU. ARE. SUCH A LIAR!!
10. Ok, then you sit in this chair and let ME have a go.
11. You think your chair is "a ride"? - Oh. You have not lived.


12. No. But could I exchange it for some gin?
13. What happened to laughing gas? I'd like some of that.
14. Are you sneaking that laughing gas? What else are you sneaking - huh, prison shankster?!?

15.

16. You make me want to floss EVERY day. So that I NEVER see your ugly FACE.
17. Why do you wear that denty-mask? Is it because of YOUR FACE?
18. "Would you like an injection?" Um. Would you like a frontal lobotomy?


18. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

19.

20. I hear nothing of what you are saying except: "crap crap crap crap INJECTION. DRILL"
21. Don't try and be all friendly with me while you are holding a massive needle headed towards my FACE. I wasn't born YESTERDAY, WOMAN.
22. So you've put the injection in my mouth, the mirror, the prison shank, cotton swabs and four dental hands and THEN you ask me how my mother is. Wow. For all those years at "MED. SCHOOL" - you are not very bright.
23. Even if I could talk to you. I don't want to.
24. It's so cute that you think i'm "smiling" at you  - but really you've just injected me with a vial of limp-face.
25. Let's be clear - we are not friends.

AND

26. You are NOT invited to my Christmas party.

BONUS! as an added EXTRA to indieBerries fans! I have designed 

THE BEST DOWNLOAD PRINTABLE ON THE INTERNET.

BEHOLD:

And it's all for FREE! for you to download!

You see!

I could never be a dentist -

I'm WAY too kind.

So if you have a friend who is heading to the dentist today - send this along to them! Or if you just hate dentists in general or you know someone who does - send it! Or if you would like to print some out for your office as a group stress-relieving activity go right ahead! I'm all for dental-dart boards!

If you are a dentist reading this, you can take one to print for your waiting room.

JUST KIDDING DENTISTS 

- I ain't giving you nothing.

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If you'd like to keep up with my further dental woes - 

you can follow indieBerries here:

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In other news, husband flew back from his trip to Botswana last night - he has been out of signal/contact/wifi for the past week. He has missed so many indieBerries Blog posts! And I'm going to quiz him on every. single. one he's missed. Damn. He's one lucky guy.

why.... wednesday

In line with the recent "teeth" postings, this "What if Wednesday?" is more a "Why Wednesday?" When you were younger did the dentist ever give you lollipops for being a good patient? What?! Whyyyy? I feel it's a bit like....

maybe i just went to the bad dentist?

that explains a lot.

alternatively...

Last Friday I was experiencing some toothache... Toothache is something I severely dislike, but i also find it is a lot more tolerable than THE DENTIST. In fact, I find dental visitations so terribly-painfully-awful that I have devised my own very useful alternative solutions for visiting the dentist.

Dentist Alternative Number 1:


Supplies needed:
1x hanging pendulum ball thing
1 x self + toothache.
wham! so simple.

Instructions as per following:

"olleh!! wonderful!!"

Dentist Alternative Number 2:

You are a such a brave thing.

i understand your left-handed-toothache needs.
whatever works for you. there must be limbs and there must be blood.

look how silly you look trying to shout with only one arm.

Dentist Alternative Number 3:

Happy Monday y'all!

i hope you flossed! :)

teeth, FML

I won't get into ALL the many (many) reasons why i HATE the dentist. 

You can check some of them out in this previous post.

anyway...

(more like one bajillion)

OH MY TEETH.