Thursday, September 22, 2011

this one time...

Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
(valid question)


Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
also (this one site) says "it's good for you!"
Photobucket
So we decided to embark on the MASTER CLEANSE. We changed the name to the MAPLE SYRUP CLEANSE. Because it's more friendly that way.


Then we went shopping for our supplies for the next ten days.
SIDE NOTE: grocery shopping for the next ten days when you are only buying bulk maple syrup, cayenne pepper and salt is not that fun.


Next step: perfect your concoction -
Photobucket
it really looked like that.


Photobucket
remember, there is no food.


Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
(Also, you will notice that our expressions have not changed - conserve energy. vital.)
Photobucket
This sounds very simple.
- just give it a go.




Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
This is like the OCEAN. in your mouth. THE OCEAN.
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Me: You're kidding.
Kristi: We gotta do it.
Me: why?
Kristi: Because we can't chug the salt.
Me: but why do we need the salt?! why?!
Kristi: Because there isn't anything to get the rotten food out. We need something to force it out. so that we can be CLEANSED you know. That's the whole point.
Me: I don't want to.
Kristi: Beyonce did it.
(silence)
Me: ok fine then.


Photobucket
Don't worry we practiced the mime for constipation very thoroughly before we arrived at the chemist.


Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket


and then, in perfect American English:


Photobucket


yes, the onlookers were on-looking.


Photobucket
Using our limited combined Korean vocab, we were actually able to ask literally for the "master-of-poo-tea" and indeed we got it. Salt water can FLUSH MY ASS.

After getting our lovely laxative tea - we continued on the MAPLE SYRUP CLEANSE for the next 6 days. During which time, we experienced migraines, faintness, blurred vision, sensitive teeth due to maple syrup, constricted throats due to lemon juice, perhaps some strange poop, if you even poop at all. oh, and the hunger... did i mention that? At some point during the cleanse slow death, food begins to talk to you in a faint whisper, telling you how wonderful it is. Non-food objects become wildly appealing.


Photobucket
(this really happened)


You will think things such as, "i know I'm not allowed to have any extra food... but what if i just nibble on that piece of paper.....kristi?... would that be ok?". Your friends will tell you that you are insane. You will think they are trying to SABOTAGE you. (they are not. they really just think you are insane).


Eventually you reach DAY 10:
Photobucket
At the end of the ten days, you will most likely have lost half a head of hair, developed toxin-induced skin rashes, cayenne-pepper stomach ulcers and lost about 4 kilograms. it's not pretty.

but, on the other hand, you will always be able to say:





*The end*


only read if you are interested in the maple syrup cleanse:


* * * * * *    MAPLE SYRUP CLEANSE    * * * * * *


What I learnt doing the Maple Syrup (Master) Cleanse:


(Disclaimer: I actually steered off the Maple Syrup Cleanse after day 8 and starting drinking orange juice instead of the maple syrup concoction - see why below.)
  • There are drastic and "quick" (if you consider "quick" being ten days) ways of losing a bunch of weight. In my opinion (which is not professional) you will lose weight. (Let me remind you though that TEN days with no food, does not go "QUICK"). You will also put it back on very quickly.
  • Eating is extremely social and if you are not acutely aware of this already - then you will really become aware of it when you have to turn down dinner dates and get togethers because there is no point in spending your entire evening at a restaurant or friends house just smelling the air around you. It will make you hungry, miserable and unsociable.
  • Without food, you will be grouchy. Even if you are usually Little Miss Sunshine. There is no way around this. 
  • There is some critical point that when you pass it, you will feel like it's not really that bad and that you could do it for a while and be content. I think this day came around day 4 or day 5 for me.
  • You will become very aware of how many (excess) calories people consume around you and how little calories are actually needed for basic survival. This is actually very liberating and probably the most beneficial thing I got out of the cleanse.
  • You will be SICK of the taste of Maple syrup and Lemon juice. Because we live in a world were there are so many diverse flavours and tastes and rich food experiences, You will see how quickly your body becomes sick of one flavour. Hence the switch to orange juice - day 8.
  • Your teeth will become sensitive. You will definitely experience headaches at some point.
  • You will feel some warped sense of accomplishment. 
  • If you are usually a very active person, you will feel frustrated at having to lower your activity levels.
  • Your general perception towards food will change.
I am not going to put a link to any maple syrup cleanses because I don't believe or advocate it as a healthy dieting/cleansing option. If you want to try it, you can google it, you will find it. Let me know how it goes for you :) Don't die.

18 comments :

SaffaKate said...

HOW DID YOU MAKE IT THROUGH 10 DAYS? Oh my word. I gave this a try last year and bombed at day 4. I just couldn't take it any longer!!
You laxative sign language is hilarious too. LOL!

Jacci said...

omg. i only lasted 2 days!
seriously i'd rather just fast than drink that vile concoction.

Siobhan said...

I don't know how you did it! I lasted less than a day and I think I put way too much cayenne pepper! It was awful!!!

Janine van Staden said...

How did you last the whole 10 days??? That's incredible, the awful thing about this is, the weight you lost with the quick cleanse you gain faster than you lost it! normally...

Your sign language = hilarious!! hahaha!! :)

loved this post, and the way you told the story!

Janine van Staden said...

whoops, and I forgot to tell you, I love your new layout! The green blob at the top on the right = my favourite! :)

Stephanie said...

oh my word - i can't believe you tried this & even did it for 10 days!

LOVE the new blog layout!

Keke said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keke said...

Goodness no! I am so tempted to cleanse out all this lice, but not even a surviving Beyonce could talk me into this! Hats off to you ladies for trying it and living to tell the hilarious tale.

Rhianne said...

I would have told her where to go, quite firmly... I don't mind eating healthily but that sounds horrendous!

the laxative drawings cracked me up though

Angie Finnie said...

kekeke! i remember that! maple syrup cleanse = fail for me. well done you two! ;)

Lauren Hayward said...

oh my soul Che!!!! i have no will or courage to try that. you are a true soldier for fast diets.  BTW how do you make those cartoons? their really nifty! Toast To IndieBerries!

Che Kershaw said...

yes. this was DIET OF DEATH. haha :) i use photoshop and a drawing tablet to draw my cartoons.

Dale Ferreira said...

Not so sure how I missed this guy, but I'm happy I found it, Crisis, I think being heavier is a better idea. Plus the advantage of two seats on a jet! 

Sharon Mae Pereira said...

I have done this diet.. It's all true.. even the bit about inanimate objects becoming tasty looking :D

Michelle Ramsay said...

I LOVE this post. A miserable, rainy MONDAY morning it was for me, missing an accident by seconds, but THIS post, brightened my day! Thanks Indie! I love the details you add to your posts.

Che Kershaw said...

rainy mondays = WORST! glad to have brightened your day! :)

Anonymous said...

Brokersring.com - Learn how to turn $500 into $5,000 in a month!

[url=http://www.brokersring.com/]Make Money Online[/url] - The Secret Reveled with Binary Option

Binary Options is the way to [url=http://www.brokersring.com/]make money[/url] securely online

Anonymous said...

What's up mates, its great paragraph on the topic of tutoringand completely defined, keep it up all the time.

Feel free to surf to my website - diet that works