Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Happy hoarder

I have this friend. This friend has recently been watching a series called "hoarders"
here is a sneak peak:

basically it is a show about a whole bunch of people with a WHOLE bunch of crap.
more crap than they can handle. way way more crap than they can handle.
it is a problem.

Since watching this series dear friend of mine has been inspired to purge her apartment of all things 'extra'. This friend (from now referred to as 'Pretty-Purger') has been mentioning to me that i HAVE to see it. I HAVE to watch it! I will be so inspired to get rid of stuff! you'll feel SO good about getting rid of stuff! (what exactly is Pretty-Purger trying to tell me?)

Anyway... we'll deal with that later... having been inspired to attempt to slim-line my "extra-treasures" I decided to tackle one of my junk-drawers. (You don't have a junk-drawer? Don't lie. Everybody has a junk drawer. some people its a junk cupboard).

Me opening junk drawer:
OOOHH!!! WOW!!! Fairy lights! Fantastic!! I wonder if these work!? I can totally use these!! (i'm all about the mood lighting. sexy, i know.) Let me plug these in and see if they work!! (plugs lights in - sees lights shine and then unplugs them in same millisecond) WOW!! they work! QUiCK! let me hang them up before Pretty-Purger finds out i'm just stringing more crap around my apartment!

The hanging of the lights:
This process took approximately 43 minutes. I will condense it for you.

  1. unravels lights and gets lights tangled in own fingers.
  2. unravels fingers from lights and in process re-entangles lights in a ball
  3. thinks about giving up
  4. thinks that reward of extra "mood-lighting" is worth it.
  5. lights finally unravelled
  6. finds good starting place for lights (with other fairy lights which are currently in room)
  7. tries to wind lights up bookcase
  8. accidentally pulls several hardcover books onto head
  9. &%£$@!! 
  10. wants to give up
  11. perseveres
  12. tries to hook lights on existing wall hook, cannot reach.
  13. spends 10 minutes trying to throw lights onto hook. (very difficult - even if you are Michael Jordan)
  14. gives up on that idea and climbs on couch. still too short.
  15. finds higher shoes, flattens self against wall and uses longest finger to inch fairy lights onto hook. painstaking process.
  16. takes a breather.
  17. pulls lights across to lower hook
  18. strings lights across to kitchen section and attempts to keep them on the top of kitchen cabinet without falling down. 
  19. needs something heavy to keep lights in place
  20. finds heavy bag of washing powder to put on top of lights
  21. accidentally touches something gross and grimy on top of kitchen cupboard where no-one sees or ever goes.
  22. makes mental note to clean that grimy thing (no, not really).
  23. winds lights down important gas pipe and...
  24. OLLEH!!! FINISHED!
  25. plugs lights in and tries to find 'steady-on' setting
  26. no, not that flashing one... not blinking.... the 'steady-on' setting...

    realises that lights have only two settings:
    SEIZURE and EPILEPTIC FIT.
  27. RIPS down lights and..... THROWS. LIGHTS. AWAY.
You were right Pretty-Purger... it DOES feel good to get rid of stuff.


Go through your junk drawer. I know you have one.

3 comments :

Kerry said...

LMAO!!!! hehehehehehe. I can so picture it! hahahahaha. And then Kerry arrives today with her junk. Oh the irony. Thanks for taking the junk from my junk drawer Che, Sorry Pretty Purger!!! hahahahahaha

Graham said...

Oh Che'...your Mother will be so proud..you threw them away...really...what about alternative uses..like a washing line.. or the plug on the end.. or spare globes...Or Christmas decorations..flashing of course !

Lolo :) said...

now we just have to work on getting rid of that awful tweed skirt and its friends.... ;) rip dracula shirt.