Friday, January 17, 2014

Crushin' It.

My brother visited us recently in London and introduced me to this "little game" called Candy Crush. Now, I'm not much of a "gamer" so I was iffy about downloading it, until he was all like, "You know - that even DAD plays Candy Crush..." And then I was all like, "WHERE DO I DOWNLOAD THIS SHIZZ??? NOW!!!".

Entering the world of "Candy Crush" has changed my life. ie: I now no longer have deep and meaningful conversations with my husband, but at least my life finally has a purpose. (Filling up the Lake of Lemonade). It's bittersweet. Or sweetsweet, depending on how you look at it. Either way, SUGAR.

Today I wanted to share with you some of the LIFE LESSONS that I have learnt from CANDY CRUSHIN'.
  photo crushlesson1_zps0e64e1ea.jpg1. If at first you don't succeed...
If there is one thing that candy Crush has taught me - PERSEVERANCE is KEY.

 photo crushlesson8_zps5f20d54f.jpg photo crushlesson6_zps0f7cddb1.jpg photo crushlesson6_zps0f7cddb1.jpg photo crushlesson6_zps0f7cddb1.jpg photo crushlesson6_zps0f7cddb1.jpg
 photo crushlesson6_zps0f7cddb1.jpg photo crushlesson6_zps0f7cddb1.jpg
You must, and WILL keep playing until you SUCCEED. This is a life lesson which we can all benefit from. Life is NOT FOR LOSERS. LIFE IS FOR WINNERS. I also have a sneaking suspicion that the candy-algorithms automatically "let" you win after the hundred-and-fiftieth attempt. Speaking from experience.

2. Maintain a healthy and well-balanced diet 

 photo crushlesson4_zps76da2e9d.jpg photo crushlesson5_zpscbf58f9f.jpg
sometimes you may also get a chestnut or two. Hashtag PROTEIN.

My theory as to why Candy Crush is so wildly popular is due to the fact that it literally SINGS your praises. I mean, when you complete a level, it ain't just "level completed" or "well done" it is
 photo crushlesson2_zps29587414.jpgWhich makes you feel like you have most definitely ACHIEVED GREATNESS. Go ahead and pencil me in next to Einstein.

When you make a SMASHING CRUSH, it isn't simply "Good Job" it is absolutely photo crushlesson3_zps0422c1ac.jpg

Which  -
by VERY NATURE of the word, 
indicates that you are actually
 photo god2_zps69a13fde.jpg photo god_zps347582ad.jpg
To take away: playing Candy Crush actually makes you A GOD. Which means you are more intelligent, more beautiful and more WONDERFUL than any of your peers. It tells you so.

4. In LIFE, sacrifice is INEVITABLE.
In order to WIN at Candy Crush - you will need to sacrifice many things. Starting, but not limited to - personal relationships, daily exercise, sleep, eating and normal hygienic routines. In this modern age, "us youth" have so blatantly FORGOTTEN the incredible sacrifices of our forefathers - oh shame on us! Candy Crush teaches us to sacrifice, just as those who have gone before us.

 photo candycrush_zps698651bd.jpg
You should at whatever cost - sacrifice whatever is necessary in order to complete the task at hand. You may need to go days without nutrition, water or toilet breaks - it is survival of the fittest and you must do whatever it takes to complete your quest. Bear Grylls would be proud.

5. When life gets too stressful - give yourself a TIME OUT

 photo timeout_zps768cc0b6.jpg
15 minutes of "quiet time" should do the trick. If you are feeling particularly like a failure - you may need as much as 24 hours to give yourself a pepping up. It's good to step back once and a while from this crazy busy life. So force yourself to go into the nature. Smell the trees. Splash in the tributaries. Sing with birds. Meditation etc. You will feel rejuvenated and ready for ROUND TWO.

And Finally

6. When something pisses you off

Do whatever it takes to 
 photo bomb_zps86531459.jpg

NOTHING stands in the way of a true Candy Crusher.

* the end*

In honour of this GREAT GAME and all the LIFE LESSONS that we can learn from it - I have created a "You're my Candy Crush" Valentine's day card - available in my Etsy Shop here.

 photo candycrush2_zps485e22ae.jpg
...because nothing says "I love you" like blowing a box of candies.
aaah, love is sweet.

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{Note: Numerous hours of research were conducted for the making of this post.}


Rhianne said...

hehe, amazing! (especially the bomb the shit, I love it when you swear, is that weird?) I had to delete it in the end as I spent so much time on it lol, my Mum plays it still though and loves it :)

Che Kershaw said...

whahaha! RHIANNE. i miss you. let's meet up again?! (I have had to restrain myself from Candy Crushin in favour of some other things "work/life/showering" etc xx

Pearl - Pretty Mayhem said...

Super cute and funny as usual Che. Hey, have you seen these candy crush donut holes over on 'a beautiful mess' today? They could be the perfect dessert for you!

Princessnoo said...

Hahaha I love this - I am a CC addict too xx

Turquoise Teapot said...

This is amazing. We're so addicted!!! Love the card too :) xx

Kim C said...

Haha love this - need to find out what this Candy Crush is all about now. I used to play a 'similar' game which was mind numbing but oh so much fun...personal relationships were threatened and I sadly had to delete the app from my phone, it was for the best.

Dee said...

LOL! I once got addicted to Candy Crush but forced myself to quit because it was starting to scare me how often I played it. I also thought about blogging my life lesson learned from it but didn't around to it. But I think it was something about how getting to the next level involves a mixture of perseverance and luck. LOL.

Wonderland Clothing said...

Omg GENIUS post. I got really drunk on wine one night and spent 40 ENGLISH POUNDS on extras (honestly......pretty tragic of me!)

Che Kershaw said...


Che Kershaw said...

hahaha - yes - it is marvelous how we try and justify our addictions with "yes... i learnt SO much!" haha

Che Kershaw said...

hahahaha - beware - once you "candy-crush" you can never go back!! May the force be with you!

Che Kershaw said...

hahaha we should start a CC anonymous group.

Che Kershaw said...

ooooh!! I LOVE those Candy Crush donuts!!! YUMMEH!!

Che Kershaw said...

hahaha - level 181 - I'm only on level 39 and I think im a SUPER HERO. womp womp!

Che Kershaw said...

thank you lovely ladies! Candy Crush for life!

Abby said...

Ah I am so addicted to this and sadly have spent weeks on a single level, finally on level 150 and now I have discovered that one can't keep their level when changing to a new phone so am back to level 1!!!

Jess said...

This is painfully, acutely accurate. I kid myself that I don't have a problem because I haven't paid for any extras...yet.

Che Kershaw said...

OH NO!!!!! That sucks balls! Well that settles that then - i shall KEEP MY iPHONE4 FOREVER.

Che Kershaw said...

hahahaha "haven't paid for any extras.... yet."
When you Do finally cave - give me a call.
(i haven't paid for Candy Crush extras yet either - "we're fiiiiiiiine")